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Just a little musing

So, I went and bought several bumper stickers today. I know that "message" bumper stickers are kind of trite & cliche, but I still love them. I got one that says "Coexist" with the letters formed from various religious symbols, one that says "ARRRRR" with a skull & crossbones at the end, but the last one is the one that actually has my mother worried.

It says "Celebrate Diversity" on top of the rainbow flag. She's afraid that someone will damage my car because of it, given all the conservative & prejudiced people in this area. I just cant let that possibility scare me. I don't think it will happen (I used to have a rainbow flag on my car before & nothing happened to it, the sticker just fell off). If people are so small minded that they let a bumper sticker drive them that mad, then that's their own problem. Besides, I see more and more variations of the rainbow flag in this city, and I want it to spread further. I'm tired of our community being ruled by prejudice and hate. I'm sick of seeing horrible comments on the news-paper's message boards any time a story about gay people is posted. Surely this community can move forward. I know this is the Midwest, the Bible Belt, but damn it, it's time to come out of the 1950's!

Stream of Thought

This is gonna be kind of a random post. Hope ya don't mind.

Things have been going mostly okay. Still able to get some overtime, so that's helping. Still miss the 30 hours of overtime a week I was able to work a year ago, though. :-p

Josh and I are still getting to know each other over the phone. I got to thinking about it this morning, and we've been talking for nearly 3 months without meeting in person. Hell, with my last "boyfriend," we were already sleeping together by that timeframe, lol. I like that Josh isn't pressuring me to meet, but I do think it's about time we met face to face (but not because my parents are pressuring us :-p). I might mention it the next time we talk. He mentioned it earlier this week, that dad was asking him when we were going to meet, and he said, "Why mess up a good thing?" lmao

I made a couple of little resolutions for the New Year. The first is to get back on my healthy track. I've fallen off so bad the last few months because of stress, and I've just got to get back on. I worked too hard losing some of this weight to go putting all of it back on again (and I have put some on :-( ).

The other is that I'm keeping an Excel spreadsheet to track the movies I see & the books I read this year. I always wonder what movies I see a year; now I can just look back.

I'm still working on Christmas knitting; right now, it's gonna be more like Valentine's or May Day knitting. I'm hoping to try to make myself a pair of fingerless gloves soon, if I can get the courage up to try different stitches and such.

Other than that, it's pretty much same old, same old. Just over a week until Human Target and just over a month until Shutter Island! I'm also getting excited about Nightmare; I may have someone to cling to when I go see it instead of jumping by myself. :-D


Happy Halloween to all! Hope you have a good and spooky day. :-)

I'm working. I don't really want to be, but they opened up additional overtime for the weekend yesterday, so I'm working 8 hours today & 4 tomorrow. It's gonna be a long couple of weeks, lol, what with working 12 days straight. Haven't done that in a long time, but I need the cash, sooo. . .

Once I finish work, I'm doing a Halloween movie marathon. I'm planning to watch The Orphanage, Zombieland (boot, baby), and depending on the time, Evil Dead 2, Army of Darkness (I found it at Wal-Mart this morning, yay! It was out of all the Blockbusters in town), the original NOES & Halloween. I doubt if I'll make it past Evil Dead 2, but I'll finish up the rest tomorrow after work.

I watched the first Evil Dead last night, and I loved it. I can't believe I made it this long with never watching them, but I'm quickly remedying that. :-)

Okay, back to work. Stay safe today, gang.


Random Stuff

It's a fresh week, and darn it, I'm going to try to make this a good one. The last couple have been rough, but this one will be good. At least I hope so.

My cousin, Ashley, got really sick last week. Most likely, it was the flu, but they don't know yet if it was swine flu or not. And, man, am I pissed at her dad. He's such a fucking bastard, so heartless. She had been feeling sick for a couple of days, and it got really bad in the middle of the night for her, so she came in and woke them up, telling them how bad she felt. Dan actually yelled at her and told her to go back to bed, that he'd take her to the doctor in the morning. Well, next morning, he takes her to the doctor, and she passed out in the lobby. They ended up having to put her in the hospital for a couple of days, but last I heard, she was doing a bit better. Still, what a damn wretched thing to do to your own child!

I'm still fighting with my sinuses. It's really bugging me badly today, with my head throbbing behind my eyes. Yuck. . .

I went and saw Zombieland & Where the Wild Things Are Saturday. With being sick and all, I was expecting to like WTWTA more, but I ended up completely loving Zombieland. It was just so much fun and so hilarious (and Woody actually came off as sexy to me; go figure). WTWTA was good, but just not quite as good as I was expecting. Part of that might have been because I was trapped in the back row & had to go to the bathroom but had to hold it, and then there was a little kid in the theater who would NOT shut up. I'm not mad at the kid, I'm mad at his parents. Literally, every five to ten minutes, it was "Dad, what's happening?" or "Dad, why did he do that?". People just don't teach their kids the difference between watching a movie at home and watching it in the theater. And the dad wasn't telling the kid to quiet down, either. grrrrr

Tonight, I'm kicking back with some knitting (having to start over because my stitches were too tight, but I really only had the starting row done) and I'm gonna finish watching MST3K: Laserblast. I started it yesterday, but didn't get to finish it because the parents came back. It's one of the funniest MST3Ks I've ever seen. Just awesome.

Friday, Friday, Friday!

Yay, it's finally Friday! And, man, what a week it's been.

I ended up having to take my car back into the shop on Tuesday. It was still leaking power steering fluid, and it turns out there was a second line that was leaking. They weren't able to see it last week because the first line was leaking so badly. It sucked to have to take it in a second time, but I think it's finally completely fixed, and they did take $70.00 off my bill, which was nice. However, that pretty much drained my savings, but at least I have some money coming back to me from mom, the money I loaned her.

I had a big scare yesterday morning while going out to get breakfast. I had a car wreck happen right in front of me. A car a couple of vehicles in front of me was going through an intersection (we completely had the green light) when this truck hauling a trailer (who had a green yield turn) turned right in front of her. He clipped her back end, sent her spinning into the westbound section of the intersection, and then he went up over the curb and hit the stop-light mechanism box, knocking the lights out. I called it into 911; another car that saw it stopped & checked on the lady who was hit, but I didn't stay (I don't know if I was technically supposed to or not; they did get all my info over the phone). It was a damn scary moment! He must have done a number on those lights because they were still out 5+ hours later.

I splurged a tiny bit yesterday. I had a coupon for 40% off a book at Borders, so I went and picked up a couple of new books. I went in for just the one, but ended up leaving with three and a new bookmark, lol. I got Old World, New World: Great Britain & America From the Beginning by Kathleen Burk, The Ruin of the Roman Empire by James J. O'Donnell & A Treasury of Royal Scandals: The Shocking True Stories of History's Wickedest, Weirdest, Most Wanton Kings, Queens, Tsars, Popes & Emperors by Michael Farquhar. I started on Royal Scandals last night, and it's really good so far. I do kind of question how much of it is really true (he doesn't give any source material in the appendixes, just mentions letters and stuff), but it's interesting at any rate. It's kind of fun to think of kings & queens being as naughty as everyone else.

I'm gonna be "bad" again today. I've got a Barnes & Noble coupon I'm going to go use. I just can't resist those babies. Besides, it's only money, right? ;-)

Other than that, I kind of predict a quiet weekend. The temperature is going to get really cold later today, so I pretty much just plan on staying in this weekend and reading, watching movies, and drinking lots of hot tea or hot spiced cider. I think the Shorties are getting together to watch a movie either tonight or tomorrow night, and that will be a blast. It's been too long since we've just chilled out & watched something together. :-) I think I'll finally get around to watching Wolverine: Origins & maybe I'll get to some of the many, many movies on my must watch list. I'd also like to finish up Heroes Season 1 this weekend (I think I have about 9 episodes to go). It's just gonna be a lazy one. :-)

Happy Thursday!

I'm feeling a little bit better today, a bit more like myself. I went to the doctor's office yesterday, and they worked me in with an NP from another team (they have like 3 or 4 teams of doctors in this clinic). She was really, really nice, and very helpful. Turns out I didn't have a sinus infection, but my allergies have my sinuses inflamed. I also have liquid in my ears, especially my right ear, and she said she could see the scars of previous ear infections. No doctor has ever told me that, though I did have a ton of ear infections as a kid.

So, she put me on prednisone, a steroid, to get the inflamation fixed, and she's having me take Sudafed to help with everything else. It seems to be working so far, so yay! I hate being sick. I get all whiny and mopey, and I hate being like that.

Everything went well with my stepdad yesterday with his orientation, and he hits the road today! He's taking a load out to Cleveland; he doesn't like running the East Coast because it's more stressful, but he took it because it pays 5 cents more a mile. So that's some stress off of me now that my parents will have money coming in again. And my mom got in contact with her state representative over the issue of his last employer not paying him, and since the employer is in another county & jurisdiction, he can't directly help, but he's good friends with the rep from that area, and they're gonna be getting involved, as will the Attorney General. My mom also told me that she found out from my dad that the company was really skeevy: they had a lot of illegals employed, the trucks were not in good shape, and the owner has done this before, not paying folks; he just keeps changing the company name to try and hid shit. Not good, but hopefully the government can help get my stepdad the pay he deserves.

Last night's Glee was fucking awesome! I'm so glad I stayed up for it, and I'm keeping it on the TiVo (recorded it in case I fell asleep). Kristin Chenoweth was absolutely amazing, as usual, and it was so wonderful to get to see her sing. When the piano into for "Maybe This Time" started playing, I just wanted to cry. That's my favorite song from Cabaret, and it was heaven to hear her sing it. I'm definitely buying a bunch of songs from the show on iTunes tonight!

Okay, back to work. Thank goodness the week is nearly over!


Sep. 30th, 2009

Man, I had really odd dreams last night. I don't remember all of them, but I remember one about going camping with my parents on a beach at the lake, and I remember one where I was driving around Cassville, MO, the town where my grandmother lived (and where several relatives still live). I guess I had that one because I was there for the first time in a long time a week ago, when I took my mom in for outpatient surgery, but it was still odd.

I'm going to have to give in and call the doctor today and make an appointment. I just can't take this anymore, and I know it's become a sinus infection (I always get a bunch of them in the fall/winter). My throat hurts, my head is splitting, and my ears are aching, which is never a good sign for me. Hopefully, they can get me in today or tomorrow.

Parents. . . remember what I said yesterday about how I was trying to break free some? Didn't work. My stepdad called me about 8:30 last night to make sure I was okay because he hadn't heard from me in a while. On one hand, the concern is sweet; on the other, I was nicely asleep (albeit in the recliner), and the phone waking me up sent me into panic. On the plus side, him waking me up meant I got to see the LOTR episode of South Park again, which was good.

Sorry my posts have been boring & whiny. My blog posts ( are much better and funnier (at least I hope they are).

Sep. 29th, 2009

Whoa, dude, updating two days in a row! It's a miracle! :-D

I'm feeling a little more secure today. Nothing has changed, but for some reason, things don't look quite so dark. Maybe part of it is because I haven't talked to my mom today. It's sort of embarassing to admit, but we usually talk daily, even more than once a day, and lately, I've been trying to cut that down, to become more self-sufficient, but when I do, my mom usually calls me after one day to make sure that I'm okay. *sigh* Wish we could cut that umbilical cord a little more.

Still loving that NoES trailer. I need to watch it again tonight after work. It's so fucking good! Why isn't it April yet???

When I was running errands on my lunch, it hit me that we would have been getting Shutter Island THREE days from now if the studio bastards hadn't postponed it. :-( I'm so looking forward to that movie. I wish it hadn't been postponed, but whatcha gonna do? At least 2010 will be the year of Jackie. :-D

Oh, last night in Skype was so much fun! Several of us Shorties got together just to chat about the trailer & just chat in general, and it was great! It was wonderful to get out some of the frustration I've been holding in towards the NoES fanboys who are freaked about Jackie & hate the remake. And Erin found a bunch of new photos on one of the media photo websites. Well, they were actually taken in 2006, but they were new to us! They are amazing, and I'll try to remember to get them up on Photobucket, for those of you who weren't there. :-) Karma's also posted them (unwatermarked, yay!) on Fascinatingly Ugly.

I think I'm finally getting this blog thing under control. I find it's best for me to do the write-up on my breaktimes, and then get the panels cropped after work. I've started just marking the page numbers & panels as I go & then replacing them before I post. It's working really well so far, and I'm also trying to get some of the cropping for the next day done the night before. Hopefully I won't fall asleep for so long this afternoon & I can get a bunch of tomorrow's post done tonight.

I think that's all that's on my mind for now, so back to work I go.

Hey Hey

Sorry for not posting lately on this. Busy days & sick days kept me away.

Thank you all for your helpful comments on my last post. Sorry I didn't reply back to each one (bad me!), but they really have helped. I got some of the 100 Calorie snack packs, and they are helping to fight those bad urges. I've gotten most of that weight back off just by watching what I eat, so when my back heals up enough to get back to the gym, which will hopefully be tomorrow, things will be back to normal, I think.

I had to go down to my mom's yesterday to take her in for testing. She's been having a lot of severe stomach pain, and she's had an ulcer for a long, long time, so they had to send a scope down her throat to see what's going on. The doc came in and showed me the pictures (wicked!), but the kind of bad thing is that they don't completely know what's going on. He found some signs that she's got an infection down there, so they're treating her with meds for that, and he found some blood pooled in her stomach. He didn't find any signs of cancer or anything obvious to indicate the bleeding, so he kind of thinks it's related to the infection. They're taking her off of her coumadin (she has to take that for blood clots in her legs) until they can get the stomach bleeding under control, and they took a couple of samples to biopsy, so hopefully, it's nothing major.

Other than that, it's been pretty quiet. I did have a scare yesterday, though. When I got down to my mom's house, i left my cellphone in my passenger seat, and I forgot to put that window all the way back up. Well, we got some torrential rains Tuesday night, and some came in through my window and dampened the phone. I thought it had killed it. There was a message to replace the SIM card, and after I turned the phone off, it wouldn't turn back on. Thankfully, I was able to get the battery pack out and then wiped off the card, put it all back together, and it's working. Yay, don't have to spend money on a new phone!

I'm taking my car into the shop this afternoon. Turns out there was a recall on the turn signals a few years back, which I didn't find out about, and now my turn signals don't work, so I shouldn't have to pay anything since this should be covered under the recall.

Tonight, assuming I get home early enough from the shop, I'm going out to the movies to see The Wizard of Oz. I can't wait to finally see it on the big screen! And tomorrow night, we do our podcast on Shutter Island, and I can't wait for that discussion! I've been rereading it to prepare, and I've noticed sooo many clues I missed last time. It's gonna be a blast!

Things are lookin' up

We had some great news last night. My stepdad got a new job! He's been out of work for a little over two months, ever since the last trucking company fired him for no reason (he had filed complaints with the labor union over stuff they were doing, so we think that's why). My mom and I were worried that this one wouldn't hire him because once they tested his blood sugar & blood pressure, but they didn't test him. They went with his DOT (Department of Transportation) certification since it had been done in the last 30 days. Soo, he has a little more orientation today, and then he's out on the road again!

That takes a lot of pressure off me. I know my mom wasn't expecting it, but I was worried because I was trying to figure out how I could help support them & keep myself afloat with overtime being eliminated. Now, maybe, if things get too tight for me, they can help me out. It's a relief, anyway.

I'm just doing 8 hours today, and then I'm off for the next three days. It's the first holiday in a long time that I haven't worked, so that will be weird, but I plan on catching up on Tarantino's movies, reading, working a ton on my other blog ( and playing some WoW. Mom's coming up to spend my birthday with me, after she finishes running errands with Dad & dropping him off, and, hopefully, I'm going to go see Inglourious Basterds sometime today. :-)

I've already listened to Jackie's message a few times this morning. Poor thing is gonna get worn out, but damn it if it isn't a great pick-me-up. :-D

A great end to a not-so-great day

I had been having kind of a rough day. I woke up really, really tired, felt sick much of the day, but I'm feeling better & happier now. I had a hell of a surprise in a Tweet back from Jackie! I honestly wasn't expecting to ever get another Tweet from him, what with him being so busy and all the people following him and Tweeting him, so this was a very nice surprise. He's such a sweetie to take time out of his time off to message people. I hope he never changes. :-)


Fic - Goodbye to Everything That I Knew

Title: Goodbye to Everything That I Knew
Author: serena_took
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Probably better that way.
Word Count: 4236
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Dan/Rorschach
Summary: Dan & Rorschach have an argument, leading to shower!sex.
Author's Note: This is my first foray into NC-17 fic, so all con-crit will be greatly appreciated. This was originally written for the freckle prompt on the kink meme, but the story kind of evolved and became a different creature.

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    "Shit," he muttered. He let out a frustrated sigh and began to follow Rorschach into the looming dark, his feet picking up speed as his thoughts whirled.
    What had set Rorschach off? When they fought crime as Nite Owl and Rorschach, there was never any uncertainty or hesitation. They moved as one unit, always cohesive; he frequently marveled at Rorschach's ability to know exactly where to strike in battle. But in Archie or out of the costume? That cohesiveness was missing lately. Dan often found himself fighting with Rorschach over the latest crackpot theory he was spouting or arguing over how much force was needed. Things just seemed to be strained between them these days.
    And it wasn't just the fighting. Dan had noticed changes in the way his partner behaved, and while the majority of these changes weren't completely unwelcome (Am I imagining things, or is he bathing more often?), they were disconcerting to say the least. The looks, oh, the looks, the more frequent little touches! Dan pretended to ignore the furtive glances Rorschach had thrown his way as he doffed his Nite Owl costume, the strong grasp that helped him to his feet after a rough fight but which lingered for a few seconds longer than strictly necessary.
    He knew he would be lying if he were to say he hadn't enjoyed those brief touches; in fact, he found himself craving them more and more. But, c'mon! This was Rorschach! If you looked up "sexually repressed" in a medical dictionary, you'd find his picture.
    Nah, Dan thought regretfully as he trudged along. You'd better put that thought out of your head. Never gonna happen.
    Soon he spied his partner standing stark still, his form a tense line in the blackness that surrounded him, and as Dan reached out a hand to touch his arm, Rorschach spun around, his mask a frenzied mass of whirling blots.
    "Don't touch me!" he snarled as he brushed Dan's hand aside. He drew his trench coat closer around his body, as if it was his last shred of armor, despite the warmth of the night and the close quarters of the tunnel that surrounded them.


    Dan was propelled a step backwards from the force of emotion, and his arm dropped limply to his side. "Rorschach, what did I do?"
    "Said I was filthy." Rorschach turned his back on his partner, his stance as straight as an arrow, his fists unconsciously furling and unfurling.
    "Huh?" Dan pushed back the cowl of his costume and rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I never said that."
    "Intimated. Offered a shower." He faced Dan, pointing a thin, accusatory finger. "Don't need your liberal luxuries, Daniel!"
    Dan's brow crinkled in confusion for a brief moment, then realization hit, and he bit his lip to keep from bursting out laughing. "That's it? That's what pissed you off?'
    There was no response from the smaller man, but he cocked his head slightly in that posture that always meant he was analyzing the situation. Dan took the gesture as a good sign, even though Rorschach was still as tense as a cocked pistol.
    "If I offended you, man, I'm sorry." He offered his hand in apology.
    Rorschach hesitated, studying Dan in deep concentration, searching the taller man's face for any sign of duplicity, before he finally, albeit briefly, took the proffered hand. The pair stood in silence for a few moments, neither man sure what to say.  Dan cleared his throat and took the initiative.
    "Why don't we go upstairs, buddy? This old tunnel really stinks."
    Rorschach nodded and followed as Dan led the way back down the tunnel and through the Owl's Nest.  Halfway up the stairs to his apartment, Dan noticed he was only hearing the echo of his own footsteps.  He turned and found Rorschach staring at him intently.
    "What's up?" Dan asked, feeling more than a little uncomfortable.
    Rorschach mounted the steps that lay between them slowly, one step at a time, and the ink blots whirled languidly, black and white, never mixing, nearly hypnotizing him with their movement.
    "Did you mean it?" he asked, his normally gravely voice made even rougher than usual by some emotion Dan couldn't quite put his finger on.
    "Mean what?"  
    Rorschach said nothing for what seemed for an eternity before he finally spit out, "About the shower."
    "Well, yeah. Hell, that's all I could think about all night long." Dan idly brushed his hair back from his forehead and cleared his throat self-consciously. "I mean, it's so hot out there tonight," he finished lamely. What was Rorschach driving at?
    "Hurm," Rorschach replied.
    Dan had heard many iterations of that phrase during their partnership, but this was the first time it had come out sounding like disappointment. Dan could feel the tension in the air swell (it was almost electric), and before he could understand what was happening, he found Rorschach's lips pressed against his own with only the thin layer of mask separating them.
   His eyebrows raised in surprise, but surprise rapidly shifted to desire, and he returned the kiss with a fierceness that nearly frightened him. He clutched Rorschach close, ran his hands up under his trench coat and slid his hands across the planes of muscles he found there (How did I never notice those before?), eliciting a wild moan and an intensified kiss from his partner. (Is this really happening?) He closed his eyes, relishing in the touch, the taste of Rorschach, only to have the experience abruptly cut off.
    Dan's eyes snapped open, and his vision readjusted as he scanned the dark for him. Rorschach stood a couple of steps away, his back turned, his shoulders hunched. He looked more broken than Dan had ever seen him look.
    "Sorry, Daniel.  Shouldn't have done that," he murmured as he fiddled with his gloves. "Shouldn't have given into base, meaningless emotions."
    Dan placed a hand on Rorschach's shoulder and gently turned him around.  This time, there was no fight, no resistance, though he wouldn't look Dan fully in the face.
    "Meaningless. Is that what you really think this is?" Dan asked, searching his partner's face for an explanation. There was silence for a few excruciatingly long moments.
    "Lust," Rorschach finally ground out. "Filthy. Tainted our partnership. Can't go on this way."
    "Tainted? Damn it, Rorschach!" Dan couldn't believe what he was hearing, but he knew on an unconscious level that he shouldn't have been surprised by what was being said. Words began to spill from his lips unchecked. "You didn't taint anything! Did you ever consider that I want this as much as you do? No! You. . . you can't even admit to yourself that you do want it! You've been wearing that goddamn mask for so long that you've forgotten you're even human!"
    He looked at Rorschach for a sign, anything to show that he understood what Dan was trying to say, but upon seeing no reaction there, he threw his hands up in exasperation. "Okay. . . you know what? Do whatever you think you need to do. I'm going upstairs.  I've had enough bullshit for one night!"
    Fuming, Dan stalked up the stairs and headed straight for the bathroom. His need for a cool, soothing shower had just doubled.
    He was normally careful to leave his costume down in the Owl's Nest, but not tonight. He left a trail of goggles, gloves and armor throughout his apartment, and he didn't even care. All he could think about was that shower and putting as much distance as possible between himself and Rorschach.
    Upon entering the bathroom, Dan pulled his spare pair of glasses out of the medicine cabinet and carefully sat them on the edge of the sink, within reach of the shower stall. He might be a superhero, but his eyesight was piss-pore without his glasses or goggles.
    He slid out of his underwear and turned on the shower faucets, fiddling until he hit just the right shade of coolness. As he stepped under the water, he let out a sharp gasp at the temperature, but the shock quickly morphed into a sigh of pure pleasure. He stood directly under the shower head, his chin tucked to his chest, and let the water roll down his body, let it wash away the grime of the night's work and his frustration with Rorschach.
    He knew he shouldn't let what Rorschach said get to him. After all their years together, nothing Rorschach said or did should have surprised him by now, but he was still disappointed that he couldn't get through to the man. Why? Why can't he just give in?  Dan was so deep in his thoughts as he lathered his hair with shampoo, he was caught off-guard when the shower curtain was pulled open. His blood fueled by adrenaline, he reached for the nearest weapon, his back brush, and swung wildly at the form standing outside his shower. A dollop of shampoo dripped into his eyes, further blinding him, and his feet scrambled for purchase on the wet tile floor. He let out a cry as he began to topple to the floor.
    A strong arm caught him about his waist and righted him. Dan squinted, trying to see as best he could, but the face was unfamiliar and a blur.
    "Should be more careful, Daniel."
    The figure nodded.  Rorschach grabbed the nearest washcloth and began to wipe the soap from Dan's eyes. Hands that could break a man into a thousand pieces were moving gently across his face, more gently than he could have thought possible, yet Dan felt like he was being taken apart. He reached up and touched Rorschach's face, running his fingers along what felt like angular cheekbones. He knew he was pressing his luck, but when would he get the chance again?
    Little by little, he was able to make out more of his partner's features. Most of his costume had been shed somewhere along his path upstairs; he only wore a faded white wife-beater, and his pinstripe trousers. The mask was gone as well. In its place was a face Dan found hauntingly familiar; as soon as he had figured out where he had seen it, the thought flittered away in the next breath. Wiry red hair framed a face which bore upon it the scars of a life harshly lived. Freckles dotted his skin here and there, and they were the last thing Dan would have expected to see upon the tough vigilante, but what really caught his attention were his eyes. They were as blue as the ocean, a stark, deep blue that betrayed little of the thoughts and emotions contained within. Dan felt as though those eyes could see straight to his soul, and right now, they were devouring him.
    Dan could feel his heart racing in his chest, was certain Rorschach could hear its frantic rhythm. With one swift, decisive motion, Rorschach reached up and pulled his head down, his lips meeting Dan's in a fierce embrace. He cast aside the washcloth and slid both of his hands through Dan's hair, pulling him closer, ever closer, and Dan let out a low moan.
    He could feel the fire in his blood burn, could feel himself losing control, and he knew he couldn't do let go without knowing why things had changed. He broke off the kiss and gently pushed away from Rorschach. He saw a quick flash of uncertainty and pain in the other man's eyes.
    "You sure you want this?" Dan asked.
    "Certain, Daniel."


    "I mean, we can stop if you want. You don't have to do-" His train of thought was abruptly derailed as Rorschach began planting a line of kisses along his abdomen, trailing from one hip to the other. A wave of pleasure overtook him, and Dan let his head loll backwards, where it thudded softly against the wall. "I just don't want you doing anything you're uncomfortable with." He was finding it harder to think coherently.
    He felt a hand caress his chest, kneading the muscles there, and Rorschach rose back into his line of vision. He ran his hand along Dan's jawline and idly stroked his cheek with his thumb. "Daniel, I'm not a child. Don't need to protect or coddle me. You were right. Always lying to myself that I'm stronger than emotions." He leaned forward and nibbled on Dan's ear, strong teeth gently grazing the lobe.
    "I'm not," he whispered, as he dropped his forehead against Dan's shoulder. Dan could feel a tremble in the muscles of Rorschach's back as he ran his hands along his spine, and he wasn't able to repress a shiver as Rorschach's breath ghosted across his neck.

    "Friendship." He took one of Dan's hands between his own, and Dan marveled at their surprising softness. It was such a contrast to the hardness of the rest of Rorschach's body.

    "Desire." He leaned up and kissed Dan, his tongue seeking Daniel's, and he released a throaty growl when they met. They battled for dominance, tongues twisting and flicking as soft moans filled the air, echoing off the shower's tile walls. As he withdrew, he briefly tugged at Dan's lower lip with his teeth. He leaned back against the shower wall, his breath rough and ragged.

    "Love." His voice grew quieter, a little rougher, as he released Dan's hand and turned his gaze away. He stared into space as he gathered his thoughts. "Let myself believe for so long that emotions are weak. Not true." His eyes rose to meet Dan's, and they were lit by an inner fire. "Denial, living the coward's life, that's true weakness. Tired of living a lie, Daniel."

    Dan felt his heart twist at the pain and exhaustion evident in his partner's voice, and he clasped Rorschach in an easy embrace, ran his hands comfortingly down his back. He felt him relax into him, and he rested his chin on the top of Rorschach's head. The pair stood in comfortable silence for several minutes, let the water wash over them, let it christen them new creatures.
    Finally, Rorschach slipped out of the embrace and turned the faucets off. He took Dan by the hand and carefully led him out of the bathroom, down the hallway to the bedroom. Dan knew he should be annoyed or distressed by the trail of water they were leaving through the house, knew he should be bothered when Rorschach pushed him onto the bed and left his sodden pile of clothes in the middle of the room, but, frankly, he didn't care.  Sheets could be cleaned, wooden floors could dry. Al the things he had ever fantasized of (well, nearly all, anyway) were happening to him. He felt like pinching himself, to make sure it wasn't a dream.

    "Ow!" Rorschach had nipped an especially sensitive area of Dan's thigh with a little too much ferocity.

    "Apologies, Daniel." He kissed the offended area, ran his tongue along the length of Dan's member. Okay, so it's not a dream.

    Dan sat up and met Rorschach in a fierce kiss, moaned into his mouth as Rorschach's hands drifted south. His heart raced; he felt like it was going to burst out of his chest as Rorschach began to gently stroke his dick, and his breath hitched in his throat.

    "Fuck!" he swore. "Oh, God, Rorschach, that feels so good!"

    Dan ran his tongue along Rorschach's throat, leaving a trail of kisses before he turned his attention to his partner's arms. He ran his hands over his biceps, taking in the feel of pure power those taut muscles contained, muscles that were now focused on pleasing him. He leaned forward and nipped playfully at Rorschach's left bicep, relishing in the pull and release of muscle under the skin. He moaned again as another wave of ecstasy hit him.

    Without warning, the touch on his penis ceased, and Rorschach overtook him in a wild kiss.
    "Want you, Daniel," he murmured against Dan's lips. He pressed himself tight against Dan, and he could feel the honesty of this statement as Rorschach's erection pressed against his own. He bucked once, lightly, gently, and Dan's head whirled with pleasure. He groaned and grasped Rorschach's arms tightly, his fingers cutting into muscle, leaving white marks as he returned the kiss with wild abandon.

    Rorschach pulled away and sat with his legs underneath him as he traced a finger over Dan's muscular chest. "Mean it, Daniel," he continued. Dan could see what a struggle this was, how unused phrases like this were to his tongue. "Want to feel you. . . in me."

    "Oh." Dan nearly came then and there, but why miss out on all the fun? He thought about asking if he was certain, but the desire was evident in Rorschach's eyes. Dan licked his lips and tenderly kissed him. He snaked his hand into Rorschach's hair, pulling him closer and dragging a long moan out of him that lit his blood on fire.

    Dan broke away and reached over to the dresser next to his bed. He roughly pulled the top drawer open, spilling some of the contents in his haste. He reached in and felt around, fingers questing for the bottle of lube he kept there (Never thought I'd use it for this!), and when he finally found it, he pulled it out with a triumphant grin on his face.
    He poured it liberally over his penis and coated a couple of fingers with the liquid, too. Rorschach was waiting, positioned on his knees on the bed.

    "Ready?" Dan asked. He received a nod in answer.

    He gently inserted one, then two fingers into Rorschach, who bit his lip and let out a small moan. Dan's dick answered the sound with a twitch. He slowly thrust his fingers in and out, carefully stretching the inner muscle, and Rorschach met him movement for movement. He slid his fingers out; Rorschach let out a sharp gasp and thrust his ass towards Dan.

    He wrapped an arm around Rorschach's torso, clinging to him as he cautiously pushed forward. His partner moaned with delirious fervor as his head lolled back, falling against Dan's chest. Dan kissed the nape of his neck, his tongue laved along that delicious clavicle, and he thrust forward a little more.
    Rorschach leaned back and crushed Dan's mouth against his own, desperately seeking communion. Dan slid his hand down Rorschach's chest, landing to rest upon his hip, but his hand was forcibly moved lower. Rorschach placed his own hand over Dan's, setting the pace as they stroked his cock.

    He broke off the kiss impatiently and grabbed the back of Dan's head.

    "Do it!" He growled, his voice thick with passion.

    Dan pushed the rest of the way in, and they both gasped with heady lust as their bodies acclimated to the new sensations. He nipped at Rorschach's nape, ran his free hand down the line of his jaw before tipping his head down to leave a string of kisses along the line of his shoulder. He began to thrust in and out, slowly, and Rorschach let out a low moan.

    "Daniel," he whispered reverently. The sound went straight to Dan's groin, and he increased his speed while he and Rorschach met in a fiery kiss. He slid his tongue along the curve of Rorschach's lips, seeking entrance, while his other hand resumed its ministrations along the length of his cock.

    Rorschach released a series of plaintive keens as his and Dan's tongues engaged; the reverberations coursed through Dan's body. He ran an arm around Rorschach's chest and clutched him tighter, tighter as his movement became more and more hurried, more erratic. He could feel that Rorschach was close to the edge, too.

    Suddenly, Rorschach flung his arms back, clasping Dan hard about the back of his neck; he arched his back and let out a cry as he came, clinging to Dan like a lifeline. The sounds emitting from his partner pushed him over, and he moaned Rorschach's name as he came inside him.

    Drained and out of breath, they both collapsed forward onto the bed. Dan slipped out of Rorschach, and, half-expecting him to bolt, draped one arm across his body and pulled him against his chest. He felt Rorschach tense up slightly before giving into the embrace. Dan let out a thankful little sigh he hadn't known he was holding and placed a small kiss behind his ear.

    Rorschach murmured something under his breath just as Dan began to drift to sleep; he wasn't sure if he had caught it right.

    "Hmmm? What was that?'

    'Not meaningless." Rorschach said simply as he snuggled tighter under Dan's strong arm.

    Dan fell asleep with a smile on his lips.

    He awoke a few hours later, surprised to see Rorschach was still there and still asleep. As he lay in contented drowsiness, he began to idly stroke Rorschach's arm with one finger. His touch ran across three small raised freckles on his forearm. Orion's Belt. Huh! Dan's curiosity increased, and he ran his fingers along his shoulder, finding one larger mole and a smaller freckle in perfect alignment. Canis Minor.

    Dan gently extracted his arm from underneath Rorschach's head and carefully sat up, trying his best not to wake him. Sunlight was beginning to stream through the curtains, and it cast the vigilante in a warm light. His face looked calm, serene even, and Dan ran his eyes over his form, drinking in his well muscled body.

    Until the previous night, Dan had never realized that Rorschach was freckled, but now it was almost all he could see. Even without his glasses on, he could see that his body was generously covered in various-sized freckles. A small smile brushed across Dan's lips. Imagine what the underworld would say if they could see what the man who terrorized them night after night really looked like! But that was the amazing thing about Rorschach: even though he saw the world in black and white, he was formed out of grays.

    Dan ghosted his fingers across Rorschach's back, letting his memory drift back to his childhood astronomy lessons; he imagined he could find nearly every constellation in the sky somewhere on Rorschach's body. He let his fingers flow across skin, feeling the small bumps and raises like Morse Code. Cetus, the sea monster. Triangulum. Is that Cassiopeia? He leaned down and squinted, trying to get a better look at the formation, when a sleepy voice interrupted his reverie.

    "Daniel. What are you doing?"

    Dan winced self-consciously and cleared his throat. "Um, hey! Didn't mean to wake you. I was just looking at your freckles."

    "Freckles?" His voice sounded more awake, and he rolled over to face Dan. "Why?"

    "Well. . .they're unique. They remind me of the stars."

    "Stars." A touch of disbelief crept into Rorschach's voice.

    "Yeah. See, when I was a kid, I used to spend a lot of summer nights just looking at the stars. You can't see them here in the city; too many lights, so when our family would go out to our beach house out on Cape Cod, I'd go stargazing each night. I'd look up, and I could always find the constellations among the stars.  No matter what, they're always there, season to season. It's like the one constant thing in life."

    "Still not sure why that reminds you of me."

    Dan stroked a finger along Rorschach's cheek, feeling the line of the sharp cheekbones there. "You've always got my back," he replied after a moment of thought. "No matter what, I know you're always there, always backing me up. It . . . means a lot to me."

    Rorschach pulled away from the touch as if burned and sat at the edge of the bed, his back to Dan.

    "'Always' a long time, Daniel." A note of sadness tinged his voice. He stood up and began to pull his still-damp clothing back on.

    Dan's stomach began to knot; he sat up in the middle of the bed. "What do you mean?"

    Rorschach paused, one leg in his trousers, and looked Dan square in the face. "Future unpredictable, Daniel. Always in motion, always changing." He resumed dressing and walked to the window; he stared out onto his city as the new day dawned. "Our kind never gets happy endings."

    Dan's heart dropped at this simple statement. "So, what? Back to the old ways again? Last night was just a fluke?"

    Rorschach turned and walked to the door; he paused in the doorway, staring into space. "Best not to want too much in life, Dan. Better that way for everyone. Be seeing you."

    Dan sat in the dimly lit room, his head swimming with pain and confusion as he heard his partner make his way through the apartment and down the stairs. His foot steps echoed, growing fainter and fainter until there was only a wisp of sound reverberating. He fell back onto his pillows as though his strings had been cut. He could still smell Rorschach among the linens of the bed; he lingered in the room, drifting among the shadows. He was always there, just out of reach.</div>

Question for the fic writers

For those of you who have written NC17 fic, especially slash, did you struggle with your first fic? If so, what did you do to get past the struggle, and do you have any tips?

I've been working on this fic for a few months now, and I'm partway into the adult portion. Some of it is coming easily, but I don't know if it's just the hang-up of writing NC17 or what, but I'm really struggling with getting the scene finished. Part of it is that I don't want to repeat the same phrases or situations that others have written. If you can spare any thoughts or tips, I'd be eternally grateful!

Aug. 9th, 2009

Well, I didn't get anything done that I had wanted to do this weekend.  I dunno if it's the heat or the stress over my fear that they'll take away overtime completely at work, but I've just been napping so much lately in the afternoons.  I don't like it, but it's too damn hot to go out and do anything, and when I try to do stuff on my computer or read, it puts me to sleep.

Last night, Team ShortSchach (minus 1 :-( ) watched The Zoo Gang, and I can honestly say this is one JEH movie I can be perfectly happy never watching again.  It was just painful.  It hurt.  It made me hurt for him for him being involved in such a thing.  Seriously, it's worse than Maniac Cop 3.  There's virutally nothing redeeming about that movie, except for Jackie.  His poodle hair is atrocious, though I did find myself feeling attracted to him towards the end, when he's got aviator sunglasses on & lights up a cigarette.  Okay, so I find him attractive in everything, so that shouldn't be a surprise, but damn it, that horrid wig should have negated that!

This morning, I was going to go to the gym, but decided to go to the park instead.  I wanted to go to the Japanese Gardens, but I got there too late.  If you get there early enough on Sunday, you can sneak in without paying (or at least I did once in the past), but the attendent was already there to collect admissions, and I didn't have any cash on me. 

So, I went to the park next door, which has a lovely lake.  I used to go there a lot and walk the trails a couple of years ago, and I had forgotten how peaceful it can be to just sit on one of the benches by the lake.  I took my camera along & snagged a bunch of pictures of the ducks and geese. 

In case you want to see the rest of the pictures, you can find them over here.  If I've got the money next weekend, I may go out to the zoo and take photos.  I'd almost forgotten how much I love to take them, and I need to practice some more.

On the agenda for tonight: podcast recording time!  Can't wait.  We always have so much fun.  :-)

Aug. 6th, 2009

Another week nearly over.  Man, time is just flying this year!

I'm still waiting to hear about financial aid for school.  Class starts on the 24th, so there's still a little time to hear from them, but I think if I don't hear by Monday or Tuesday, I'm going to call them & see what's up with my application.  I need to know if I'm going to be able to get any aid because if I don't at least get some loans, I can't register for classes.  Fingers crossed, though.

I'm about to thump Twitter.  It's been down almost all morning, and the withdrawals are a bitch!  I didn't realize just how addicted to it I am, lol.

Aug. 1st, 2009

Yesterday was a pretty good day.  I went clothes shopping for the first time since I've started losing weight.  I was able to get some smaller shirts & jeans, but the kicker was that I was able to get a size of skirt that I haven't worn in about 14 years, not since I was in high school.  Man, it was a trip!  And I bought my first ever denim mini-skirt.  I plan on wearing it when I go to St. Louis in 4 weeks.

That trip is going to be awesome!  Four weeks from today, I'm going to St. Louis to see Mary Poppins at the Fox Theater.  I love the Fox; it's one of the most beautiful old theaters I've ever been in.  It's wonderful enough that I'm going to see the national tour of Mary Poppins, but the cast is unbelievable.  Gavin Lee & Ashley Brown are reprising their roles of Bert & Mary in the national tour.  They both opened the show on Broadway, and Gavin is the original, original Bert from the first production in London.  I'm most excited about seeing him as I've heard that he's a sight to behold.  My first time seeing actual Broadway performers.  Well, I guess not really because I saw Kim Crosby here in Springfield a few years ago in My Fair Lady.  She was the original Cinderella in Into the Woods, and she's from the Springfield, MO area, so Springfield Little Theatre got her to come and do a run of My Fair Lady about 10 years ago.  But to see really big name stars will be a first for me.  :-)

And then last night, we recorded the podcast, and it was an utter blast, as usual.  :-)  I love all these gals.  They always make me laugh and make me think about things in Jackie's movies & performances that I hadn't noticed before.  <3 

Tomorrow, I'm going to get in my workout and then get some writing done.  I'm not sure which story I'm going to work on first, but I'm determined to get something done.  I can't just sit here and talk about it; I have to actually do it.

I have a feeling I'm going to the doctor next week.  I've been fighting what I think is a kidney infection for a few days now, and I've been having a lot of them lately.  If it's still bugging me on Monday, I'll have to call the doctor and make an appointment.  I've been trying to self-medicate it with cranberry juice & cranberry pills, along with staying away from tea, but it's not really working now.  :-/  Hope it's just an infection and not something serious.

Jul. 30th, 2009

Another week nearly over.  I can't believe it's August in two days.  Time flies too fast, man.

I still haven't heard about financial aid for this fall/spring.  I'm gonna be a bit annoyed if I can't go back to school this fall, but I guess it'll be okay if I can't.  I wouldn't have nearly as much time for writing or for Skype chatting or for fandom stuff if I went back.  I guess it'll all work out in the end.

I'm frustrated with myself for forgetting to take my meds while I was on vacation last week.  My emotions have been in a spiral all this week, and I hate it.  Of course, part of it could be hormones from the time of the month, but I know part of it is medicine related.  You'd think I would learn my lesson from a couple of months ago, but obviously not, lol. 

I started writing a new story today, and it's actually not a slash fic.  It's going to be about Dan adjusting to life post-Karnac.  I like where it's going so far.  I just wish I had the talent that some in our fandom have.  I read the finale to the zombie AU last night, and it was just sheer beauty in words.  I haven't even read all of the AU fic itself yet, but I loved that ending. 

And now for a little pimpage.  :-)  Go visit and download the podcast.  This was the lovely [info]mcscary's brainchild, and I'm so glad to be a part of it.  It has been a complete blast so far, and I hope it lasts for a long, long time to come. 


Jul. 27th, 2009

Feeling a little better now.  I went to the gym and worked out hard.  I did most of the weight machines & did 50 minutes on the elliptical.  Thank goodness for movies on my iPod, man!  I couldn't get through the elliptical without it.  I'm about halfway through Breaking Away (just finishing the scene where Mike tries to beat the college punk in a swimming match in the quarry), and it is just perfect for working out.  The biking scenes with Dave kind of drive me on to pump harder, and, of course, Jackie as Moocher is a great inspiration with the weight lifting and fight scenes.  I think I'm gonna go back and do another session after work.

My weight was up a tiny bit this morning, but I'm not worried.  It's about that time of the month, so I get to deal with water weight for a few days.  The good new, though, is that I've lost a bit over 30 pounds since I started this journey.  I've got about 37 more pounds until I hit my first big goal and can get my Rorschach tattoo as a reward.  :-)  I didn't know if I'd make it, but I'm gonna.  I'll still have a long ways to go, but I think I finally have control of my eating.  I've had brownies from the Wal-Mart bakery in the fridge for almost a week now, and I haven't touched them.  Fast food is becoming more and more unappealing, and my appetite is shrinking.  All good things.  :-)

Little Update

Well, the vacation's over and back to work today.  It always sucks coming back to work, especially when I've had such a good vacation.

I honestly didn't do that much last week, but what I did do was a blast.  I didn't get any stories completed.  I spent two days at the lake, which was nice, and I had a blast on Skype with the gals.  Man, we had so much fun talking on Skype and watching Watchmen.  Screw any commentary from Zack!  It couldn't beat ours!  :-)  I think we're gonna watch Dollman tonight, and that will be goooood.  The kiss. . .

I'm still fighting with the jealousy beasts over Comic Con.  I'm really happy for our Twitter folks who got to meet Jackie & Zack & Dave Gibbons, but that dark little side of me still hurts that I couldn't be there, too.  Next year, come hell or high water, I will be there!  I'm sure Jackie will be there again for either or both Human Target & NOES. 

I've had so many weird dreams the last few nights.  Saturday night, after we watched Watchmen, my dreams were all about Rorschach & Dan.  I don't remember what happened exactly in them; all I could remember were more emotional impressions.  I remember Dan being upset and hurt.  I keep having more and more Watchmen related dreams.  And a few with Jackie, but I can never really remember what happens in them.  I think we just talk, lol.

Oh, and had a surprise when the phone rang before 5:30 this morning.  I was already up and getting ready to start working, but my cordless phone died.  I ran outside to get my cell phone out of the car, and I saw there were a bunch of missed calls.  I checked the last one, and it was from my folks, so I called them.  My mom was about ready to drive up here and check on me.  I guess she had been trying to call me since 7pm last night because she hadn't heard from me all day.  My cordless phone must've been dead because the phone never rang in the house, and, of course, I didn't know she was trying to reach me bcause my cell was in the car. 

I know I do usually call her every day, but yesterday, I just didn't feel like talking (moodiness, heh).  I wish I could make it through a day without calling her and not have her worry so.  :-/

One Day More!

Oh, sorry, a little Les Miserables flashback there.  ;-)

Tomorrow's the day!  After long months of waiting, we finally get the Watchmen DVD.  And that puppy is going on my iPod & never coming off!  I'm going out early tomorrow (if not at midnight tonight, if I'm awake) to pick it and Coraline up at Wal-Mart.  Tomorrow, I'm ODing on the Director's Cut.  I want to watch it once for fun and once to take some notes.

I had so much fun yesterday!  My parents had asked me to come down to the lake outside of Branson, MO, where they've been camping for the last few days.  I had kind of hemmed and hawed, but I finally said I'd come, and I'm so glad I did.  Mia had a blast.  For a dog who doesn't like to get her feet wet on dew-laden grass or who doesn't like the rain, she is a major swimmer.  Seriously, she spent close to two hours just swimming around in the lake. 

After my parents finished fishing, I went swimming with the dogs.  It took my stepdad coming in the water for them to come out to me (they just weren't used to me being in the water), and after a while, Mia came out to me, and I scooped her up in my arms.  She liked that, but she didn't like when the waves picked up. 

It was just an absolute blast.  I got a little bit sunburned, but not as badly as I originally thought.  I plan on going back down later this week, maybe Friday after I get paid.  Oh, and there was this couple who also had 3 Cocker Spaniels.  We saw them as we were heading out to lunch, and they came over to the camper later so their dogs could meet ours.  Funny thing was that the husband looked rather like Jackie, lol.  :-D

Watching 300 now, and then I'm going out to get my hair cut in a couple of hours.  Gonna be a bit of a big shakeup, will post a pic on Twitter when I'm done. 


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